Weekly Thoughts #13: Looking Back on Where it All Began

I don’t want my neurodivergence to prevent me from exploring the wider world outside my comfort zone, nor should any other neurodivergent people (should that be your desire). I’ve never felt more empowered than when I am traversing new parts of this diverse world that all of us call home.

Unfortunately, like so many people who are autistic, I have experienced depression throughout most of my life since my teenage years – autism and depression are often described as having a closely interconnected relationship. Feelings of inadequacy and exclusion have been a common theme since my school days.

I believe there are lots of factors that contributed to my success in building my confidence to a level that makes me feel like I can take on the world. Specifically, in my mind, the impact that traveling and experiencing countless cultures has had on me is undeniable.

By the age of 20, I had had enough. I was stuck in a country I had no affinity with, locked in a dead-end retail job that required masking to the extreme, and had just been rejected from the only university in my country that offered my dream course. I knew I had to change something if I had to break out of the constraints my life had offered me until that point.

I decided it was time to take the plunge. I made the decision to move to Japan to undertake an intensive intermediate course in Japanese at a language school in Tokyo.

For some context, I had been learning the Japanese language since the age of 13. I was always intrigued by the culture; it felt like a parallel universe in my mind at that time.

I spent 6 months living in shared accommodation in Nakano, while commuting daily to Yotsuya where the school was based.

Back then, I was way more naïve to the ways of the world. But I think it was exactly that naïvity that allowed me to just go for what I felt at the time I needed to move myself forward.

While I was there, I used a once popular Japanese language/friendship-exchange site to connect with others online. I was quickly invited to a weekly event on Saturdays at a venue in Ikebukuro. This quickly allowed me to make connections with others based across the city, many of whom were in the same boat as me – living in a foreign city.

This is a key point; it gives you a starting point for developing connections with others. Nobody was there to judge others’ differences, everyone was there to connect with the people present, most of whom were of different cultures to themselves. Nobody knows your past life up until that point of meeting, and it gives you the opportunity to start on a clean slate. I had complete anonymity over there, which I think helped me easily come to terms with doing what I really wanted. I didn’t need to be worried about what everyone else thought. It was a real eye-opener at the time. I had never had such a feeling before. This was the beginning of the journey to where I am now.

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